I’ve been somewhat at loose ends all day. Reopening is causing me much more anxiety and insecurity than closing did. It makes sense – we are all already weary from two-plus months of endless learning, assessing, cost-benefit-analyzing. Not wearing masks and then wearing masks; not disinfecting groceries, mega-disinfecting groceries, then disinfecting only certain groceries; worrying about walking past runners outside but feeling good about being in an office space with the door closed, then reversing those . . . I’m sure you’re feeling the same – the endless analysis just to get through daily life is wearing, and now everything is changing again.
One major reason for today’s agitation and nerves: the arrival of summer means that our school-time schedule needs to change and morph into a summertime schedule. We did some work yesterday to rejigger the “schoolhouse” area of the dining room, and are thinking through how to give them enough structure during their “summer camp at home” so that they aren’t on screens ALLLLLL day and night, but we aren’t wearing ourselves out with constant programming. Deconstructing our “new normal” to make way for a “newer normal” just did me in. I slept more than 12 hours last night.
Pleasant side note: I’m so pleased with our teachers and schools. They made such an effort to make the end of school a celebration, even though nobody’s been there for months. The little boys had a series of parties and ceremonies – all remote, of course. Craig had an end of Kindergarten ceremony which his lovely teacher sniffled all the way through, and Craig watched solemnly.
She will come by and deliver some things next week, and wave at us from the end of the driveway. We love her so much – she’s a perfect kindergarten teacher, always chipper and friendly and excited to see the kids. Liam had a movie watch party (sort of a disaster, as they tried to stream the movie through screen-sharing on zoom and it did not work well, but a good thought), and a dance party through zoom, and one day his teachers all came by the house in a decorated-car parade and we waved at them furiously from the porch. Jack had a “Field Day” where they gave us little activities for him to do. He was able to set it all up mostly by himself, and film himself doing it also – skee ball, basketball, etc. Nothing’s been polished or perfect, but there is something really touching and beautiful about the attempt. Determination to preserve some normalcy for these kiddos, and to celebrate no matter what.
Next tangent: Lawyerish (who I used to follow, and then somehow my blog aggregator lost its link to her blog and it stopped updating, so I presumed she stopped updating, but here she’s been all along!) recently posted about her list of items that will forever remind her of this time. I thought that would be a fun list to come up with, so sat the Prof down one evening and we brainstormed a few things.
- My embroidery. During church, during nighttime tv, whenever I can get it out, I do cross stitch or embroidery. This mitten Christmas ornament has been in my to-do pile for years, and I’m nearly done! With the first side! Then I have to do the back!
- New Horizon meditation and Cosmic Kids yoga – these are things we do with the kids multiple times a week. Both are British shows available on youtube. They mostly help calm the kids down after lunchtime crazies, and get them focused for afternoon work. They soothe us, too.
- Cornhole – my in-laws bought the Prof a cornhole set for his birthday this year and we played it constantly at the beginning of this pandemic. It’s much hotter out now so we play it less, but it still will remind me of the early pandemic days.
- David/Crazy Dave – one of our neighbors is a schizophrenic. His brother pays for his upkeep, including the house he lives in just a few doors down and across the street from us. David (Craig calls him Crazy Dave, which is not very PC I recognize but it’s also said with affection, and it is undeniably accurate, and also he’s six) likes to wander up and down the street, day and night, shouting to himself. There’s a lot of Biblical stuff, and stuff about devils, and a lot of nonsense. He is “with it” enough that he will interrupt his own stream of insanity to say hello kindly when he sees us – he knows Virgil’s name but always forgets who I am, and I re-introduce myself to him every time, and he tells me to go to the Neutral Ground Coffee House which is his favorite place, and he hopes he’ll see me there. We have had this introduction-recommendation conversation probably twice a week since we moved here in the fall of 2016, and I expect we shall continue to have it until one of us moves or dies. Anyway, Crazy Dave’s always been around, gesticulating and breaking things in his house and shouting, but now that I work from home we hear a lot more of it. A LOT more. In the background of my calls with opposing counsel and the court, you can hear my dog bark, my kids fight, the neighbor mowing the lawn, and Crazy Dave screaming at the top of his lungs about the devil that lives behind his left eye. Keeps things interesting, I suppose.
- Umbrella – I screwed our beach umbrella into the back corner of our tiny lawn, over some chairs. I love to sit out there, under the shade, and work. It’s very cheerful and brightly colored, and it perks me up.
- Zoe’s Food Cartel – our neighbor, who is a masseuse and not a chef, nevertheless for some reason has a membership to Restaurant Depot, where you can buy industrial sized packages of meat, cheese, dairy, etc., at outstanding prices. Better than Costco (which I haven’t been to in Pandemic Times, mostly bc I like to go at 7am or earlier to avoid crowds, but Costco doesn’t open until 10). She began going once or twice a month, and texting everyone on the street to see what to pick up. We live next door to a social club – kind of like a Lion’s Club hall, a run-down brick building with a bar and fridge in the back. We are members of this club, as is pretty much everyone on the street – it’s cheap and it’s good to get along with your neighbors, and they do Mardi Gras stuff. Anyway, she brings her Restaurant Depot haul into the social club and sticks it in the fridge/freezer there, and you call her to schedule a time to go claim your part. Bring your Ziplocks and grocery bags, she’ll grab her small kitchen scale and giant knife, and she will carefully measure and dole out the grocery items you ordered. Neighbors come in to do pickup one at a time, and everyone wears masks and stays six feet apart from one another. Her 16 year old daughter calls it “Mom’s Food Cartel,” and that cracks me up for some reason. Anytime I go to a grocery, I also text around and ask if anyone needs anything. It helps us all reduce our trips – we just leave the items on each others’ porch. My heart warms every time I grab some Ivory soap for Zoe, or Wyoming picks up some half and half for me.
- Conan O’Brien and Dax Shepard podcasts – I listen to these on my long daily walks through uptown. The Conan O’Brien with Keegan-Michael Key made me choke-laugh so many times, I can’t listen to it again. It’s too much. And Dax’s show with Joy Bryant, talking about gettin’ that white people money – oh Lord, what a joy. Pun intended. Also, Dax’s Armchair Expert podcast ceded the floor to his co-host for a mini-series on relationships, and it was so good (the 10-episode mini-podcast is called Monica and Jess Love Boys – here’s the one with guest Esther Perel, so much to learn here!)
- Air popcorn popper – because microwave popcorn is one of those items that’s hit or miss, I went ahead and bought a large bag of popcorn kernels and we pulled out an air popcorn popper we’ve had forever and never used. And turns out it’s easy! And much cheaper! So we use it all the time now!
- Walking to the pet store to get mealworms – this is one of my weekly errands. We have a pet store within walking distance, and I head down there once a week or so to pick up some food for Rex. Sometimes it is closed to customers and you order from the front door and wait forever while staff go fetch it for you. Sometimes it is fully open. I’m never sure which it will be, but they always have my mealworms – so far, Rex has not had to tighten his belt.
- Grilling – the Prof has been grilling more often. We’re all home all day, why not? He still hasn’t branched out beyond burgers, but maybe one day I’ll convince him to try chicken or something.
- Headphones – the sight of my three children in their over-ear, noise-controlled headphones will forever remind me of distance learning.
- Pilates on zoom – my gym, which has not been charging me during the pandemic, has kept up a very robust rotation of facebook-live classes taught by its instructors out of their homes. Pilates, tai chi, yoga, cardio hip hop, simple circuits you can do with canned food instead of weights – there’s all kinds. I’ve tried a ton, but have mostly settled on Pilates with Jess (though I also love hip hop cardio with Shonda – she’s so bright and cheerful and SO MEAN, my thighs shake). I do Pilates maybe twice a week, along with zoom sessions with my trainer (who is also not charging us, just trying to keep his clientele up, though I gave him a generous donation). Jess’s dog Leo likes to crash the party and crawl all over her – he’s an old lab who is very affectionate and plodding and large. The sound of Jess’s voice is very soothing, and will always remind me of this time.
- Home fitness equipment – I have slowly ordered a few things here or there for a home gym. We don’t have any space to put these things, so they rest in a corner of the bedroom. A wobble board, a yoga mat, a strap, some small weights, a foam roller, a yoga ball . . . I ordered a TRX also which will arrive just about when our gym reopens, I believe, but I’ll still be glad to have it when it eventually arrives. The Prof and I are thinking through some adjustable barbells, which will be useful during the pandemic but also forever. They are pricey but we’re looking on ebay and craigslist (as someone here suggested!) and keeping our eyes peeled. I’d love a peloton and/or a rowing machine, but there’s nowhere to fit these things and Peloton is an expense we can’t take on right now.
- The Schitt’s Creek finale – we finally watched the last season of Schitt’s Creek. MILDLY SPOILERY, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK – the Prof and I did not see the finale together, we ended up watching it at separate times, and we both described the same feelings. It really opened the floodgates – just hit us hard right now. Everything changes, just like everything’s changing now. My reaction to it reminded me of the Frasier finale – I watched the last season of Frasier while packing up our New Orleans apartment to move to Mobile. Everyone in that finale scatters, and I was so weirdly, traumatically heartbroken by it, and the fact that I recognized that my feelings were entirely redirected sorrow and anxiety about our impending move did NOTHING to mitigate my torrential sobs.
So there’s our list. It was fun to think through, although who knows how the years will dull the sharpness of this time in our memory.
It’s been an ok weekend, Sunday scaries aside. Friday night I got out a puzzle and drank margaritas and watched Jumanji II while puzzlin’. Rex got in on the fun. Nobody wanted to puzzle with me until the very end, and then I wouldn’t let them – go away! Mine!
Yesterday, because I needed to get out of the house, we went on a short drive to a secluded area of the Mississippi, and force-marched our grumpy children on a soggy walk.
It was nice to take a little drive, and we got some McFlurries on the way home – yum. That evening, we did a zoom happy hour with some old friends. Today we did online church, and may take the boys on a scooter outing this afternoon. Sometimes the effort of shoehorning everyone out of the house seems insurmountable, but we’ll see if I have the energy to do it later.
Hope everyone is well, and doing their best, just like us. One foot in front of the other, all, as we stride straight into the unknown of the summer months.