Once upon a time, there was a SPECIAL wedding dress. It was made of two layers, one satin, one beaded lace, with a modest train and sweetheart neckline. It thought of itself as pretty hot stuff.
One day, the wedding dress was packed up in plastic and shoved into the back of a truck. As the truck door slowly closed and the last shaft of light winked out, the dress got angry. “Why have I been placed in the dark?” it asked. “I am an angry wedding dress. Grrrrr.”
After a long and bumpy ride, the dress was pulled roughly from the truck and shoved onto a rack next to a bunch of other, USUAL wedding dresses. The wedding dress pouted and fumed. After only a couple of days, it was chosen out of all the other wedding dresses to be the SPECIAL dress for a girl’s SPECIAL day. This mollified the dress somewhat. It went home with the girl with only a small pout, and was very polite to her when she had her bridal portrait taken.
Then the girl took the dress to a tailor in town to have it altered. When the dress realized that the girl didn’t think it was perfect JUST THE WAY IT WAS, its fury exploded. During the fitting it remained silent, plotting revenge while the tailor stuck it with pins. The girl left, and the unsuspecting tailor hung the wedding dress in the closet.
Within two weeks . . . the tailor was hospitalized with pregnancy complications.
The dress hung in its closet untouched, satisfied that its evil plan had worked. When the girl picked up the dress two months later, she was horrified to see that it has not been altered at all. After a few frantic phone calls, the girl found another tailor, and soon the dress was hanging in another closet, full of pins . . . and EVIL.
The second tailor was just as unsuspecting as the first. Little did she know that by taking on this small altering job, she inviting a horrible curse upon herself. Just a few weeks after bringing the dress into her home . . . the woman suffered a death in the family. And the dress hung in the closet, in its original form, emanating evil cunning.
During the wake, from the front room of the woman’s home, so faint they weren’t sure if they imagined it, guests thought they could hear the sound of malicious and triumphant laughter coming from the back bedroom closet. But when they went to check . . .
IT ATE THEM ALIVE!!!!!
Stay tuned for more stories of the EVIL WEDDING DRESS and its TERRIBLE CURSE. Though I may be too busy shopping for a second one to write them out. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that!
I. So. Feel. You. I know that doesn\’t make it any better, but I would be more than happy to regale you with the tale of my exploding at my unsuspecting mother the night before my wedding about how UGLY my dress was and how everyone would be able to tell it was totally jacked up. Yup, I lost it. The day before the wedding. Take a deep breath. The dress isn\’t cursed. I think all wedding dresses have some sort of "issue" whether we ever find out about it or not.
Deep breath. This will be fine. And on Saturday you will still be married. My dress had funny little points on my chest. No one said a word about it on my day, so I am assuming that no one noticed. That helps me sleep at night. 🙂 Deep breath. This will be fine. And on Saturday you will still be married.
Amanda 🙂
p.s. If you need to vent or scream, please call me. Seriously.
Oh lord! This was hilarious and although shitey for you, very clever and funny.
I can\’t wait to hear the next chapter in this saga! 🙂 I hope it has a happy ending!!
i agree with amanda that all wedding dresses bring about some sort of curse with them. i think i told you the story about my bridesmaid getting bright red lipstick on the front of my dress an hour before walking down the isle and me throwing my shoes at her…? everything will be absolutely perfect and no one will suspect a thing!