I made a terrible discovery yesterday. I’ve suffered from something recently, and finally sat down, shut my office door, and devoted two full minutes to devising possible causes for my suffering. I wrinkled my brow for a second as I thought. A sudden intake of air – I had come up with a hypothesis. My eyes widened in horror when I realized the repercussions. Today, I tested that hypothesis, very scientific-methodical-like, and found that my theory held. Oh. No.
I. Am allergic. To jellybeans. Oh God, no.
I’m still in the first stage of grief. Please forgive me.
My little obligatory HR candy dish was empty lately, so I purchased jelly beans to entice my employees to come in (and bother me even MORE often, what was I thinking?), then leave munching a little nugget of sweet colorful sugary sunshine. It makes them all just a little happier, I’d like to think. Well, I’ve been sampling the goods, as it were, absent-mindedly slipping them in the old mouth while tippity typing away. Anyway, these last few days I have had the most wicked itchy throat and mouth. And tongue. And even sort of up in the sinus area. At first I thought – could it be seasonal allergies of some type? I’ve never really suffered from allergies in a big way, never enough to need to medicate. And it’s not particularly polleny at the mo. Especially not inside my office, out of which I rarely venture anymore.
And then I noticed. It was extremely bad, almost unbearably tingly itchy, after eating jellybeans. Like, someone get me a cheese grater and shove it down my throat kind of itchy. And I thought – wait a minute, the beginning of this itchiness? Why, it coincided with the introduction of jellybeans into my daily snacking diet. And thus, a hypothesis was formed. Today, I forewent the beans de jelly, all day long. No itch. <WAAAAAIIIIILLLLL>
How do these things happen? You live your whole life, 29 or so years, and you pop jellybeans like it’s your job. You spend much of your college career subsisting on Starburst jellybeans. You enjoy Easter candy boxes sent from Mom. And then, all of a sudden, it’s over. Like a great relationship that ends without warning, those days are gone forever, and you never even had a chance to say goodbye. Oh, for just one more taste. One more touch. One more chew.
I’m sorry, Jelly Beans. It’s not you, it’s me. I just can’t handle you in my life right now. I need some time alone, some time to just be me. I hope you can understand. You’re really great. Really, you are. It’s me that’s wrong. I’m so sorry. Maybe we can just be friends?
isn\’t it crazy how your body changes over the years? your likes and dislikes, tolerances and intolerances (is that even a word?). i\’m sorry you are having to go through this break-up of yours. it sounds like you\’re taking it pretty hard. if you need to talk, just let me know, okay? i\’m here for you, sweetie…. 😉
Oh God. Not you too! It\’s this awful thing called contact sensitivity and I HATE it. It\’s evil. It\’s what keeps me from my beloved shrimp and other shellfish. It\’s what tortures me when I eat pizza. It\’s what makes me "that girl" in the restaurant.
I hate this for you mostly because I know just how awful it feels. It, quite frankly, SUCKS.
Amanda 🙂
oh my!! this freakin\’ cracked me up!! between you and Janey…seriously, my stomach hurts. I love the drama and ruckus that comes from this blog….you poor thing!!
Okay…take a deep breath…now another…innnnn….oouuuuuttt. Good. Breathe. Good.
The same thing happened to me, but with fruit, not candy. All of sudden the peel of apples and plums made my tongue itchy and my throat weird. For the moment it only appears to be those two items…I am crossing my fingers it doesn\’t spread to grapes. I love grapes. And that would suck.
Innnn…..Ooouuuuttt….that\’s it. Nice and easy.
But wait – could it just be that brand??? Hold on…I see a tunnel…with a possible light…at the end…?