1. What did I do in 2015 that I’ve never done before?
I handled a mediation solo – several, actually. I got a new firm job and quit the old one. And I started to feel somewhat confident in my abilities as a lawyer, at last – they all said it would happen in the fourth year, and lo and behold here we are.
2. Did you keep your resolutions?
Largely, the answer is No. They were ambitious, considering the job and the oft-absent husband. However, I did pursue this move to NOLA to make life more enjoyable, and give me room to do these things that I wanted to do in 2015 and still want to do this year. My exercise was scant – I love to work out, but it basically can’t be done with 3 little boys and no one to watch them (also caring for them alone plus job means exhaustion, leaving little energy left for anything at all). I did improve our diets somewhat, but did not do the massages, yoga, more-frequent haircuts . . . with two households and student loans, money remained tight, but I’m hopeful it will loosen up this year. I did not read the books I want to read, but I did get a kindle for Christmas this year and hope to make it easier to read for pleasure. I didn’t do any of the spirit goals – blerg.
I did accomplish a few things – added to the kids’ chores, I hand-wrote letters to people as part of a Lent project, I joined a local book club (that never met bc the ladies kept canceling, but I did join!) Billing requirements meant I was unable to work on the professional development I’d hoped for. And I did much more volunteer work, as I’d intended – I’m proud of my involvement there.
3. What new lives brought you joy?
Hannah Beatrice, niece who has stolen my heart! I got to meet her in a quick 24 hour trip a few days ago, and she was just as sweet and tiny a beab as ever lived. She has my heart.
4. For whom did you grieve, if anyone?
Within a few days of one another, my little buddy Lachlan and my husband’s grandfather both passed away last spring. Two very different lives, one very long and one very short, both ended by cancer.
5. Did you travel anywhere exciting?
I went to North Carolina twice, both trips for Tiny Beab – one was to attend her mother’s baby shower, and one to meet her all born and good-smelling and sweet – less than 24 hours, squeezed in just before the move. We also had friends travel to visit us for Easter, which was quite lovely. We spent time with both sets of grandparents – two weeks in Nashville over the 4th of July, and then two weeks with the other set in South Carolina over Christmas (I was only there a few days, but the littlest boys were there 2 weeks while we were homeless and then moving in). That’s it. Having a 1 year old makes you boring. Having a 2 year old also makes you boring. So what I’m saying is bring on 2017!! Perhaps we shall travel more then!
6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?
I’d like to have in 2016 what I had in 2015 – which is to say, a house, which I no longer have as of December 18.
7. What are your most memorable moments of 2015?
Baseball practice and games, generally. The segue into the elementary school years has been a fun one.
Easter visits from Vern, Michelle, and Savannah.
The early hours of a May morning, when I learned Lachlan had died.
Summertime movie in the park – Big Hero Six, and Liam fell asleep.
Playing basketball with Jack on the driveway.
Sitting in the backyard with the wading pool set up, my sister and her husband visiting, boys splashing.
Berry picking with the boys in Nashville.
Going to the Nashville zoo with the boys and my mom.
My sister’s baby shower, and my dad’s recently-operated-upon foot wrapped in a pink cast in honor of tiny beab.
A lemonade (orange juice) stand with Jack, to raise money to buy new glasses after Craig broke his old ones.
The boys’ fall festival
The Halloween jazz half marathon.
Halloween with the minions.
The day Hannah was born.
Hosting Thanksgiving – what a great day, with most of my family in attendance.
Christmas with the in-laws.
8. What was your bravest moment and/or biggest achievement of the year?
Getting a new job and deciding to leave Alabama. Stay tuned for whether that turns out to be a good move or not. [insert nervous-looking emoji]
9. What was your biggest failure and/or disappointment?
I am so super fat right now guys. My clothes do not fit – I bought some fat clothes and very shortly, they also got too tight. Much work on this to come.
10. Any memorable lapses in wellness? (Illness, injury, etc.?)
Jack sprained his pinky. Woo woo. I’m not complaining that this is basically the height of our lack of health this year.
11. Where did most of your money go?
This move has been pretty expensive, I must say.
12. Is there a song or pop culture moment that will forever remind you of 2015?
Left shark!
13. Compared to this time last year are you (a) happier or sadder? (b) heavier or lighter? (c) richer or poorer?
(a) weeeellllll – more anxious, for sure, given the move.
(b) heavier. see no. 9. I have an appointment with the endocrinologist, just in case the old thyroid can be blamed.
(c) we will make more but also spend more since NOLA is more expensive, so I don’t know how to answer this one.
14. How did you spend (a) Mardi Gras, (b) Easter, (c) Fourth of July, (d) Thanksgiving, (e) Christmas, and (f) New Years’ Eve?
(a) We did the usual – a party for parades in Fairhope early in the season, a few local parades, Mardi Gras weekend parades in NOLA (b) NC friends came to visit and it was the bomb (c) Fourth in Nashville, but I don’t think we went anywhere given the Prof was out of town and the Dad was laid up w/foot surgery. (d) Thanksgiving at my place! Our home’s last hurrah before the sale. (e) Christmas with the in-laws in SC, very wonderful. (f) NYE here in NOLA, will happen in a few short hours – I can hear the fireworks already.
15. Any new loves/friends/positive forces in your life?
No which is partly why we moved.
16. What was your favorite tv and/or movie?
I am positive that Star Wars will be my favorite movie if I can get myself out there to see it. Also liked Master of None.
17. What was your favorite book?
I read almost zero books, what a tragedy. I did enjoy Ruthless, by Carolyn Lee Adams.
18. What did you want and get?
A kindle!
19. What did you want and not get?
A million dollars
20. What did you do on your 37th birthday?
The Prof was out of town, but my parents were in town and my mother made me dinner. As I recall it was One of Those Days at work, exceedingly stressful with partner demands of immediate responses, plus the kids had a thing (baseball? something). So it was more stressful than I like, but so it goes.
21. Anything notable in your fashion or appearance in 2015?
I bought some bigger sizes and promptly grew out of them. We shall reverse this trend this year.
22. What kept you sane?
A less eager to please attitude, to be honest.
23. Anything in the political arena you care to recall?
UGH, no. Horrible behavior this year.
24. Who did you miss?
Far flung friends and family.
25. Closing remarks? Life lessons/morals/catch phrases, etc.?
My phrase of the year is probably, depressingly, “my back hurts.” 😉
Gill, enjoyed your blog and reflections on 2015. You wrote of the impact of the death of Lachlan. This morning I received the following FB message from a friend and ex-colleague at the Denver Hospice, Richard Baer, and after reading his post, wanted to share this with you. Think it will have meaning… Richard writes:
‘I posted this in the “A Year to Live” FB page this morning. If you are interested in joining us (75+ folks and counting) in an experiment in mindful living and mindful dying based on Stephen Levine’s book “A Year to Live: How to Live this Year as if It Was Your Last” and have not yet signed up, please let me know. Happy New Year!
In 1992 I was a nurse at The Denver Hospice. Because I spoke Spanish, I was asked to care for a very young (2 year old) hospice patient, a little girl, with Tay-Sachs Disease, whose mother, “Maria” only spoke Spanish. Tay-Sachs is a genetic, neurologic, and inevitably fatal disease that primarily affects children, 90% of whom are in the Jewish community. This little girl, who I’ll call Isabelita, was born of Mexican parents in Los Angeles. After Isabelita began to experience serious neurologic symptoms, her mother brought her to Denver with the assurance from her siblings who lived here that “At Childrens Hospital they will find out what is wrong with her and make her better. They were half right. The diagnosis was Tay-Sachs and the prognosis was terminal.
Maria told me that “cuando los doctores me dijeron que mi hija iba a morir, no me cabía en la mente.” (When the doctors told me that my daughter was going to die, it didn’t fit in my mind.) That phrase, “it didn’t fit in my mind” has stayed with me ever since. It strikes me that the really important things in life don’t fit in our minds. We can’t “wrap our heads around” the great matters of life and death. When it comes to the deaths of our loved ones, or of ourselves, we can’t think our way into making those things “alright.”
As we begin this year, our final “year to live,” we need to find something bigger than our minds to hold our lives. Six months after Isabelita died, I told Maria how powerfully her phrase had affected me. She looked at me with a sad smile and said, “Sí, es cierto, no me cabía en la mente, pero me cabía en el corazón.” (Yes, it’s true, (the death of my daughter) didn’t fit in my mind, but it fit in my heart.)
As our Year to Live begins and unfolds, let us open our hearts. Let us allow our hearts to break open. Only then will there be enough room to hold our lives.”
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In such a short time since reading Richard’s post this am, I am in gratitude to the depth of this phrase and how it captures the pain of loss — whether it is deeply personal, communal or even in a global sense with world-wide events. So much of what we experience in this lifetime doesn’t fit into our minds … we can only observe, deeply mourn in solitude and some how attempt to find meaning as the loss is integrated into our hearts and souls. As Richard stated above, “it (loss) allows the heart to break open.” And in the opening of the heart, not only does it “make more room to hold our lives,” I have come to believe it strengthens us in love and compassion. Lessons of unimaginable suffering learned, and inevitably, the deepening of the human experience.
I imagine Lachlan’s death didn’t fit into your mind, only in your heart.
The tender and loving lessons of Lachlan will forever be in your heart, held dearly, in a sacred space. And may his memory be honored every time you give your children an extra hug at bedtime or extend compassion, kindness or patience to a stranger.
I hope Richard’s sharing of Maria’s story helps you in some way, as it did me. Making sense of loss — making sense of non-sensical loss. It’s the journey of a lifetime. Breaking the heart open for even more love through the many lessons learned only the experience that deep loss can teach us.
Wishing you and your wonderful family many blessings in 2016 in your new home… a new start to a new life! Today is the first day of the rest of your life in NOLA , live long there and prosper. Love to all.