Mysteries for the Ages – The Reluctant Grownup

The cat will snub any bowl of water you set in front of her. Different shapes, sizes, materials, different locations for said bowl – no matter, she will not drink out of it. Unless it’s in the shape of a Christmas tree stand and has a Christmas tree in it. Then she’ll drink it dry.
The dog also prefers Christmas tree flavored water, above all.
There are twenty five checkout lanes at Wal Mart. The most I’ve ever seen open is four. Like today. When there were four open, and two of them were Express Lanes, “10 Items Or Less,” and the other two were for the other 547 of us waiting to check out. I read People Magazine from cover to cover during my wait, so it wasn’t time totally wasted.
I am still drawn to Dennis Kucinich for president, even though, as my friend pointed out to me the other day, the man believes a UFO came to earth and gave him words for his mind and instructions for his heart.
I keep getting emails that the movie The Golden Compass was made as part of a secret plot to program children into rejecting Christianity, God, and family values.
I was given a directive today to go and buy a white elephant gift that no one could possibly want (as part of a complicated game for our Christmas party tonight, designed by my boss). I went to reach for a bowl of shiny plastic fruit, thinking – Aaah! This is perfect! And then was crowded about by a woman grabbing for it. And I remembered – holy crap, I work in Small Town USA. And I was stymied in Wal Mart for half an hour, until I grabbed a bag of decorative rocks. Nobody could want a bag of rocks as a gift. Right?
My boss always comes up with complicated games for our parties, and then asks me to execute them, and they never work, and then he gets mad that they don’t work, and then the next time we have a party he does it again.
Whenever I’m running late, somebody comes to my office door and jaws at me for half an hour. So, gotta go! Ciao!

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