What's an Esophagus to Do?

It is 10:30 on a Friday, a Friday with a 6am wakeup call, and Mama wants to go to sleep, but the heartburn and indigestion is so bad she thinks her chest will burst into flames if she ceases to be upright for more than 3 seconds.

 

I’ve seen pictures of what happens to my internal organs as this baby grows.  I’m not sure where my stomach goes between the picture of 24 weeks and the picture of 28 weeks.  In the former pic, the stomach is there, a little pink kidney bean nestled up behind the breasts of the see-through lady.  A little higher up than normal, but present and accounted for.  In the picture of a pregnant woman at 28 weeks, the stomach is gone.  I think perhaps what they don’t tell you is that it travels up out of your body through your esophagus and takes a vacation in St. Lucia while you finish out your final weeks.  I’d like to join it.

 

I’ve also begun to note the belly-button conversion that many women see in pregnancy.  I have a terrifying bellybutton.  It is very deep, and there are dark moles and various things in there that have never seen the light of day.  You think I’m kidding.  Let me tell you, you’ve never been embarrassed until you lay down on the examining table at your prenatal checkup and the midwife clicks her tongue disapprovingly at the state of your bellybutton and lectures that you need to clean it out with Hydrogen Peroxide.  What’s worse is this was my appointment from 5 weeks ago and I still haven’t done it because we don’t have any Hydrogen Peroxide and I always forget to pick some up.  Anyway, after that comment, I’m afraid of what I’m going to see when it finally pops all the way out.

 

So apparently what happens when you get pregnant is suddenly you are unable to discuss anything but your own disgusting body.  Maybe ya’ll should just check back in April, although if other Mommy blogs are any indication, thenonce that point comes all I’ll be able to discuss is poop and sleep and maybe throw a few pictures up.  So basically becoming a pre-parent has rendered me tremendously uninteresting and/or self-absorbed, and once I make the flip into parenthood I will become baby-absorbed but most likely remain uninteresting.  Tempting proposition for my reader(s), eh?

 

So.  Next blog will be an interesting travel story or something.  Perhaps my most spectacular breakup story.  Maybe even a little fiction . . . something that has nothing to do with my body, my pregnancy, my baby, my impending parenthood, or anything domestic.  Promise.