Most evenings as I’m heading home from work, especially those when I’m late, I give Patrick a call to let him know I’m coming, so he can (a) shoo all his girlfriends out of the house and clear up the evidence before I get home, or (b) get dinner started. Neither happens particularly often, that I know of, but I still do it.
So, I still have the impulse every evening as I’m leaving to call him and let him know I’m on the way. Like this evening – which was a particularly late one (helloooo 6:30), I am bundled up and heading to the car and I think – oooh, I’d better call Patrick. And then I remember – oh, he’s not there. And then my mind leaps to this genius idea – well, I should just call Virgil and let him know I’m running a little late.
Clearly, I was feeling punchy after a long day. It only took me a second to wonder where on earth that ridonculous thought came from, but it made me laugh out loud. Mama is clearly anthropomorphizing her "kids" just a wee bit too much while her husband’s gone.
So then during my long and boring drive home in the dark, I started imagining – ok, let’s pretend Virgil has a cell phone with him. Let’s pretend I’ve trained him to answer it when it rings, and that he recognizes my voice on the other end. I wonder how that conversation would go . . . . (wavery dream sequence begins)
Ring Ring
Ring Ring
Ring Ring
<click>
WOOF
HI! Hi there little Schmirgey Schmirge. Hi baby! Hi! Helloooo my little woof woof. How ya doin’? How ya doin’? Are ya doin’ ok?
<Uncontrollably excited. The sounds of wiggling can be heard.> WOOOOF! WOOF WOOF RRRRRRRUFF RUFF GRRRRRRRRRRR
That’s my boy! That’s my puppy! That’s my little Schmupperdog! Are you doin’ ok out there in the chilly chill? Are ya cold, little Schmupp? I’m so sorry I’m gonna be late today, little boy, so you have to stay outside just a little eensy bit longer after dark. Did you find your doghouse? Did you find it? Did you go in your doghouse and get warm, you smart boy? Did you do it?
WWWWWOOOOOOFFFFF. WOO WOO WOOFF, GRRRRRRRRRUFF, GRRRRRRRRR WOOOOF WOOF
I know you did it, because you are sooo smart, little woof woof. You are sooooo smart. Yes you are. You are the smartest little woofer in the whole wide world. I’m gonna give you a cookie when I get home. Yes I am. Yes I am.
WHIIIIIIINE.
Just one more hour, baby boy. Just one more hour and Mama be home. I’ll drive soooo fast. I miss you Schmirge. I miss you. I’ll see you soon, baby boy. I’ll see you soon. Go get in your doghouse. Go get back in your doghouse you smart puppy.
WOOOF.
Bye now! Bye baby! Be good! Be good puppy! Mama be home soon, little Schmirgalicious! Bye baby!
<click>
Now here is the same conversation with Bella, the cat.
Ring Ring
Ring Ring
Ring Ring
<click>
MROW.
Hi, Schmitten. I’ll be a little late tonight.
MROW MOW.
Okay, bye now.
MEEEOW.
<click>
Clearly, she’s the older and more mature of the animals. Virgil still gets baby talk. Bella – she be no nonsense kitty. Until – you get out the treats. Or open a can of tuna. Then it’s all over, my friends. The dignity deteriorates into desperation, and she’ll do anything for a fix. I’m like a drug pusher. Except she doesn’t pay me.
very cute…
*~* :o) if you don’t have a smile to give today… :o) I will give you one of mine… :o) *~*
Sly the Wonder Cat is going to be ten years old this year and I still talk to him in baby talk. I\’m sure it annoys him to no end, but as long as I am still feeding him, he will just have to deal!
Amanda 🙂
p.s. I know people who used to call their animals during the day and talk to them through the answering machine. I also know someone who leaves the television on while she is gone so that her dog doesn\’t get lonely!