A friend and I were talking over lunch last week about how passionately anti-American Idol we are.
OK, let me go wipe off the tomatoes that I just got pelted with, and then I will continue.
Goofy reality shows are the name of the game this decade, and I get it, and it’s all fine. But, as this friend (hi Vern!) said – American Idol hits us where we live (being musicians and all.) I feel like there are enough crappy pop songs sung by crappy pop stars out there already. You go out to any bar in this area on any given Saturday night and you will see better singers writing infinitely better songs and performing them a hundred times better than the kids on American Idol. I don’t hate the kids who are trying to make it, mind – I hate the Machine that is telling them that the way to make it big is to wail out as loudly as possible with as many of those little up-and-down curlicue vocal gymnastic things that they all do, and wear their hair or their clothes or their accessories in variations of LOUD and INTERESTING and FUNKY, and never mind subtlety or dynamics or emotion or musicality, because really what else can you do with the songs and arrangements they end up singing? The drivel that gets churned out by whoever is writing their stuff is lowering our already low standards of what constitutes good, worthy music. A lot of times it’s somebody’s look that matters way more than somebody’s skill. All the money that goes into that show . . . well, it could do better things for the music world, is all I’m sayin’. The producers of American Idol are cheapening my field of interest with their shallow flash and sizzle, and it irritates me.
I’m not naive. I know money makes the world go ’round, and I know that these pop singles make the big bucks, and I know that I am in the minority in my AI-hatin’, but it doesn’t change my position. Berate me in the comments for being a snob, if you will.
Anyway, years ago I wrote this song about it all. It isn’t really a song because I couldn’t think of an appropriate melody – a song lyric, I guess. You can berate my lyric-writing as well, if you wish, and know that I’m not claiming to be the be-all-end-all myself. But I have seen the be-all-end-all in a hole-in-the-ground bar, where they charge five bucks for one of their self-released CDs and toil away at their craft in the evenings after working their day jobs, and maybe the fact that it is almost impossible to do is probably what makes it so damn good, but I still can’t help being a curmudgeon about the unfairness of it all.
Renaissance Girl
V.1
Hasn’t every song been written yet?
Isn’t every sentiment sung
In the low-cal finger-lickin’ voices of God
Coming out of every model who was born with a lung?
If not one, well then two, yeah, two might be nice
It’s always much better when you pay twice the price
For a pair of muddy knickers and a pot full of cash
You can see the finest pieces of American ass
V.2
It’s amazing what a diet and a trainer can do
The forebearers of a Renaissance age
Hey, I’d bare my fore for the Enlightenment, too
My philosophers are wigglin’ their wares on the stage
On the what? On the where?
What’s a ware? Do my hair!
Dr. Seuss would be so tickled he’d fall out of his chair.
And to think I found my Britney on Mulberry Street
I could tell, with one look, she had a real sense of beat
Chorus
Teen beat
Off my chair
Gonna be famous
Gonna fix up my hair
C’mon baby, can’t you make me a star
Don’t have to, baby, cuz you already are
V.3
What on earth is wrong with all the music today?
Says my mother in a withering tone
When I was young, the music men had somethin’ to say
Oh, just go and read your Bible mom, and leave me alone
I am young, I have fun, I drink my Pepsi with rum
Maybe when I’m fifty seven then I’ll settle down some
But tonight’s a revolution and I’m changing the world
I’m an open-throated, diet-soda’d, faux fur-coated Renaissance girl
Chorus
Teen beat
Off my chair
Gonna be famous
Gonna fix up my hair
C’mon, baby, can’t you make me a star
Don’t have to, baby
Don’t have to, baby
Don’t have to, baby, cuz you already are
Amen to all of that. Last week I heard, and who would have expected this, that sales of vinyl records had increased 77 percent last year over the previous year. That\’s exciting in a weird way, first of all because I\’m a big fan of vinyl records and like the idea of them making a comeback, but also because vinyl is the niche of the obsessive audiophile. It\’s unlikely that the latest Product from American Idol will release their material on vinyl, simply because their audience won\’t buy it in that medium. But my un-researched, statistic free theory would be that in increase in vinyl sales indicates that a market for real music is alive and well, even if it\’s been driven underground by the Music-Like Product churned out by American Idol and the like. That\’s a perfect description of the vocal performances on American Idol, too! Last year, Michelle (who watches A.I., although she has begun to, thank God, lose interest in it over the course of the past year or so) cornered me into renting and watching Dreamgirls. I recall having read a review of it that cited the "powerful performance" Jennifer Hudson turns in during one particular scene where she dresses down Eddie Murphy in song. So I was looking forward to that, but when the scene arrived, it was Jennifer Hudson bursting in the door, and already at the top of her vocal range, belting out American Idol scales for a sustained, nerve-racking ten minutes. There was no nuance to it, and no variation from the top of the range vocal gymnastics. When it was over, I wanted ot take a valium. But she\’s got lots of bucks now. And as for you and me, are you ready for our Tuesday night, non-paying gig at Hell tomorrow?
I had the same reaction to Jennifer Hudson! And the thing is, I think that girl has GOT IT. Her voice is a powerhouse, as is Beyonce\’s, and Xtina\’s, and a handful of other women with lungs that I would die for. I just wish they revealed in their work a slightly deeper understanding of musicality, and knew that you have to "buy" the big moments with lots of littler moments. I wish that they had training in this, and also an incentive to get that training and to express that nuance. Because when you are making the big buckaroos doing what you\’re doing, why buck the system, lose your dollars, and have to get an office job? I guess I\’d do what they were doing, too, if I had their power. So we\’re back to blaming the Relentless Dollar Machine again.
And yup. I\’LL SEE YOU IN HELL, (vicious growl.) I\’ve always wanted to say that.
We are American Idol watchers…sometimes we enjoy the show, other times it\’s background noise while we tap away on our laptops. We\’ve cheered for David Cook and Chris Daughtry, and I turn up the volume in my car to Carrie Underwood\’s \’Don\’t cheat on me\’ song (whatever it\’s called). I currently blast the song of the summer \’I Kissed a Girl\’ too, in all it\’s synthesized, bass-y fabulousness 🙂 When I can\’t find something loud and mainstream on the radio I go to my back-up, cd\’s of much-loved music from the 80\’s. The Man and I also LOVE going out to see live music, but granted, we prefer cover bands over bands playing songs I\’ve never heard…although we have been to those shows and been pleasantly surprised.
I have a brother who would give up a leg (he needs the arms for guitar) to get a break into the rock industry. In the past million years he\’s bounced around Boston and played in no less than twelve bands…some hard metal, some bar-friendly. Depending on the band, and the chance he has to showcase his talent, he\’ll suffer through cover songs, while spending most of his time at home writing his own music. If \’making it\’ meant selling out one day would he do it? He tells you no, but that chance is too enticing, and I think he would.
My old roomate pretty much shuns mainstream music, and hunts down the coolest you\’ve-never-heard-of-them groups and fills her cd holder with them. While I bopped to Poison I could imagine her shoving her fingers in her ears and glaring at my bedroom door. But, I love what I love.
This is turned into quite a ramble. I think I started with a point, but it\’s gone now. But I\’ll leave this comment as is 🙂
http://thoughtsat34.blogspot.com
In all of my huff, I would probably sell out to make it, too. I would think that I was doing it simply to get where I could be heard, and then once I was famous and scored the record deal then I\’d do something "real," but in reality then the record company would own me and I would have to do what they wanted and blah blah and I guess I\’m just pretty happy that this is always going to be a totally hypothetical moral dilemma.
i don\’t watch AI either. mostly because i can\’t bear to see people making fools of themselves.
i watched an interview with Kristin Chenoweth a couple of years ago and she was saying the same thing about young people just yowling and singing at the top of their lungs. she was basically saying that the voice is an instrument and should be treated as such. she also made a point of saying that you can\’t sustain that kind of singing doing performances night after night (and she should know!!) she had great disdain for the whole AI genre. then she sang "Taylor The Latte Boy" and she made a new fan right then and there!