Here’s the letter, if you don’t like linky lous. Written from Satan to Pat Robertson, as taken down by Lily Coyle of Minneapolis.
Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all
press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God
look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m
all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with
me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no
welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks
desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike
bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour,
beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians
have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.
Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing
going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs,
exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent
poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying:
Not how I roll. You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip
your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good
kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it,
please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract. Best, Satan
🙂 Fantastic.
i don\’t think anyone could have said it better…