My Mind Is Losing Its Capacity to Boggle

A woman we just hired just informed us she is halfway through a pregnancy.  She’d been facing a layoff at her former company, and her move here made total sense.  We chased her, sought her, and were thrilled when she accepted.  I found out she was pregnant and bought her a little teething ring at WalMart and bent her ear for half an hour about the sparkly unicorn joy of being a mom.  She sweetly spoke of her own excitement.

 

Guess guess guess what happened next??

 

Yuppers!  Senior management sat me down and asked if we could let her go.  If not, can we dump her from our benefits?  If she ends up with any complications then we’ll be "stuck with that bill."  "That woman KNEW she was pregnant when she accepted this job.  I canNOT believe she did this to us."  "Can’t we argue she lied through the hiring process and let her go?  Now we’re going to have to give her SIX WHOLE WEEKS OF LEAVE this fall, plus pay higher premiums on our medical bills because of this!"  "What does the Family Medical Leave Act say?  We don’t have to keep her do we?"

 

I was like – my baby just turned one?  Hello?   Did we forget who we’re talking to here?  You REALLY think I’m going to try to find a loophole so you can send a woman into bankruptcy?  Especially knowing that last year you spent as much money as you’re looking to save here on an expensive camera for the CEO’s daughter?  Like, a personal camera, like, charged to the company?

 

I think I’m in a cartoon.  I half expect the villain to walk in tomorrow with a bandit mask on, rubbing his hands together and chuckling wickedly.  Then evil music will play.  And then a piano will fall on his head, and I’ll sit down and start playing Hello My Baby, Hello My Honey, Hello My Ragtime Gal, and all of the oppressed cartoon characters will come out of the woodwork – timidly at first, and then in waves – then we’ll all do a jig and go home and have pie.