Capitally Booooring

Attending a conference by the "Maximize Your Human Capital" consulting group here in town – oh, that phrase "Human Capital," how it makes me feel like I’m the villain in that movie The Matrix.  I managed to stay awake and alert all day, which is amazing given Jack had a bad night last night (it was an all-you-can-eat buffet between the hours of midnigt and 5am), and also I have a virus in my inner ear chamber that gives me vertigo- which, incidentally, can get gone just any old time now, because I’m all done with falling over.  Anyhoo, the keynote presenter spoke at length about a working group she had recently been a part of, and how they spent the better part of two weeks coming up with a "Total Rewards Strategy" to promote "Presenteeism" (as opposed to absenteeism), facilitate "Employee Active Engagement" (versus Employee Disengagement, Employee Disenchantment, and Employee Dissatisfaction, which are all widely different don’t you know), and reduce turnover.  After an hour of buildup, she revealed the equation they came up with that is going to change the face of "Workforce Management" for the next decade.

 

Head + Hands + Heart = Employee Engagement

 

You heard it from me first, folks.  I won’t even charge you the $450 conference fee – this nugget of life-changing wisdom is yours free of charge.  All I ask is that you use your newly acquired information only for good.

 

Oh, and big props to me for resisting the pots full of chocolate, plates of cookies, and lunchtime dessert of carrot cake.