The News

Let’s look over some snippets from The Reluctant Grownup & I Wonder Women archives, circa late summer 2007, now known as “The Blissful Season of Ignorance.”

July 23 – Muffaletta (I don’t know why I started calling my cat that, but I do) needs a little brother

July 26 – Virgo is a barren sign – Virgo Hath the name of the barren Signe, for Mayds of themselves produce no Births &c.

August 21 – despite my thrice a week gym regimen + long run on weekends + two mile evening walks + no beer or alcohol during the week (unless it’s an EMERGENCY,) I’m still getting fatter.  The scale says no change, but the pants, they don’t fit.  The shirt, she too small.  Surveying my closet for an acceptable outfit is an exercise in low self esteem.

August 24 – <In reference to the Professor having a bad day with puppy poop> *I’m going to remind him of this when I’m up feeding a screaming two month old infant every two hours.

**Don’t think that’s imminent, by the way.  This is a theoretical infant.

That, my friends, is called hubris. Overweaning pride. Shaking the fist at the gods and saying – I am in control of my body and my life! I decide when things happen and when they don’t! You have no say over what goes on in my uterus, ye gods!

So, the gods smote me, with what my mother-in-law calls “the imp.” Take that, said the gods. Haha.

6 vomitous weeks and one anticlimactic doctor’s appointment later, I can no longer hold it in. Well, the imp is staying in, for the next 6.5 months if all goes according to plan, but the news is coming out. The stork is visiting North Carolina, circa April 30, 2008.

FAQ about the imp in Gillian’s abdomen:

Q. Was having an imp at this juncture in your life a planned event?

A. Absolutely. 100%. I’m totally lying.

Q. When you saw two pink lines on the pregnancy stick, were you instantly thrilled?

A. Absolutely. 100%. I’m totally lying. I was actually out and out beyond the pale terrified. But – it was August 28, my mother’s birthday, so I called her and wished her happy birthday and then “gave” her a grandfetus as a present, and she made me feel better very quickly. The Professor was out of town, so I couldn’t tell him until a few days later. It was a long few days.

Q. Did the Professor totally freak out and get mad at you when you told him like you expected him to do?

A. No. And I’m a bad wife for thinking those bad thoughts. But – when I went to the airport to collect him and his mother, and then pulled him into my car solo and relegated his mother to my sister’s car, which was a strange thing to do, he thought I wanted him alone so I could yell at him for not being in town for my birthday. So that makes us even.

Q. That was a confusing answer. Will you tell us the telling-the Professor-story a little more clearly please?

A. Surely. Let’s rewind to my birthday. The Professor and his mother had gone to Chicago together for a few days for a conference, and were returning on my birthday night by plane. I was supposed to pick them up, then we would all go out and get drinks for my birthday. I’m a girl who likes a drink – wine, bourbon, beer on draught – I like it all. Not drinking alcohol on my birthday may have floated past my lovely, wonderful, sometimes-inattentive-to-detail husband, but my eagle-eyed mother in law would have sniffed me out in three seconds. So I knew I had to tell them both that evening. However, given that I was worried about the Professor’s reaction to the surprising news (see previous question), I really wanted to be able to tell him alone, as in, not in a room full of strange people at a bar or restaurant. So my sister and I hatched the plan that she would follow me to the airport in her car, I would take the Professor, she would take the Professor’s mom, I would tell the Professor in my car and his mom would open the gift of a book about being a grandmother in my sister’s car. Then we’d all meet a few miles away at a nice restaurant to eat and talk about it all and celebrate. And, it was strange, but it worked. And the Professor reacted much more favorably to the news than I did, perhaps because he got out of getting yelled at for missing my birthday. Not that I was planning on yelling.

Q. What is it?

A. We’ll know in 5 weeks or so. We’re finding out. Whether or not the blogosphere does is the Professor’s decision as much as mine, so you’ll just have to wait and see folks!

Q. Are you excited now?

A. In between puking and sleeping, occasionally I have a moment in which I feel well enough to be excited. I’m sort of kidding. We are both over the moon, and making all kinds of plans. But the first trimester has been absolutely wretched, I cannot tell a lie. It’s getting better. You should be glad I haven’t been blogging about this all along, because it has been all complaints and whining and woe is me thus far. But it is getting better, and I hear the second trimester (which I will begin around Halloween for me) is much more fun.

Q. Are you still looking for a job?  Can a pregnant woman even get hired?

A. Yes.  One closer to home, one with more $$.  But, apparently, the answer to question 2 is “no.”  Not this pregnant woman, anyway.  But I’m going to keep trying so cross your fingers for me!

Q. Is this entry long enough for today?

A. Yes, yes it is. Believe me, now that the cat’s out of the bag and I can write about the only thing I’ve been able to think about since August 28, I will be writing much more frequently about the imp. Ad nauseum, if you will. Har har.