The Prof has been gone now for some time and, apart from the gym and Zooming with work colleagues, I have not spoken to an adult in all that time. The other night I was thinking I could use a glass of wine with a friend and it occurred to me that I don’t really have any friend I could call up to come over, spur of the moment like that. I have some local friends from my former jobs who I could call, but we have never done anything without planning weeks in advance and spontaneity might be kind of weird, just all out of the blue? But most of the people to whom I am emotionally closest, who I’d have over to my house in a snap, live hundreds of miles away.
Well. The research is clear that people’s happiness is most impacted by their social life, and mine is a bit sad right now. Post-covid most of the local, in-person social interactions have withered on the vine and I am suddenly feeling the call to prod them back to life. It seems obvious that the best way to do that is to create a structure where it will happen naturally, by joining a class or club or setting up some repeating event. This is one of the easiest places to achieve this goal of mine – one of this city’s redeeming qualities is it has endless opportunities for social interaction, and it is a really welcoming place. Although this is NOT one of the easiest seasons to do it in – it is “feels like 115 degrees” outside and the heat just saps everyone’s energy and joie de vivre. This is our hibernation time. What I honestly need to do is just find and befriend a socially active door-opener. You know what I mean? The type of people who just make things happen, who propose activities and everyone goes along. We are not those people, and we need to find some. I will report back on my progress for this project.
Meanwhile, I also want to report to on my success eating from my list of summer foods. We did a Costco run and bought lots of vegetables and fruits, and I’ve been making giant bowls of vegetables and proteins.
I think most people would like more spontaneity and are also afraid that it would be weird, and if you can get past it (and also get past the inevitable refusals because sometimes folks just aren’t available on short notice), it’s really lovely to be able to text or call for a last-minute Sunday afternoon park date or informal dinner. I’ve finally managed to identify a few friends where we can do that, and we’re all happier for it, and it has strengthened our friendships even though when we started, our relationships were much more friendly-former-colleague vibe.
I used to live in Uptown New Orleans and wish I still did. I’d welcome you over anytime! I think part of the problem also has to do with busy-ness. I was a SAHM for a while and when I went back to work my social life really suffered – I was no longer able to do post-dropoff coffee or spontaneous lunches or walks in the neighborhood. And in the evenings and on the weekends I’m either exhausted or too busy catching up on all the errands (cleaning, grocery shopping, stuff with kids, etc.) I’m sure as a working mom you’re in the same boat. Anyway, as I drink my glass of wine tonight I will raise a toast to you in absentia. 🙂