What Does One Say?
At our local bar meeting Friday, the first thing we did is said a prayer to Jesus Christ. We do this at the installation of judges, at Chamber of Commerce meetings, at every city function or lawyer meeting I’ve ever been to. Screw all you Jews and Muslims in this town! You pray to CHRIST if you wanna live here and keep yer jobs!
The second thing we did was say the pledge of allegiance. Which is, you know, just fine, except it’s been a while and I felt like a school child.
The third thing we did is listen to a speaker who makes predictions – mostly about football, sometimes about elections. This speech was all about SEC football predictions, which was sort of odd at a lawyer meeting, and I was lost three seconds in, but ok whatever – most of the crazed Alabama/Auburn fans in the room lap it up. Annoyingly, the speech was peppered – inexpertly and clumsily, I might add – with these jokes and others like them:
Q. How do you have a long and happy marriage?
A. Take your wife to China on your first anniversary. Then on your thirtieth anniversary, go back and pick her up!
Don’t ever tell a woman she’s crazy, unless you want to see a woman be really crazy!
Sex is the price women pay for marriage, marriage is the price men pay for sex.
The key to a happy marriage is fivefold: to have a wife who cooks and cleans for you, a wife who gives you great sex, a wife who raises beautiful children, a wife who makes you laugh, a wife who is lots of fun to take on dates, and to make sure these five women never meet each other.
WA HEY! Hilarity.
5 Comments
CM
Ugh. Between this and CP’s recent post, I don’t even know what to say. It’s disgusting that all these remarks were made at a bar event. Do you have a women’s bar group?
Portia
I was at a bar event in my city and the keynote speaker said at the beginning of his remarks, “I’m going to make this speech just as a woman’s skirt ought to be: long enough to cover everything, but short enough to be interesting.” UGH.
Vern Dowdall
Wow. We went to a tractor pull this past weekend, and heard way more tasteful jokes there! Was that really a local bar meeting, or did you accidentally just go to some local bar?
joy
Ugh. Lest anyone think questionable mingling of church and state is purely a southern problem, I was sworn into the New York bar this spring, and the judge presiding over the swearing-in made us say the pledge, told us that Saving Private Ryan was the best movie ever made and ordered us all to go see it, and told the assembled that we must never forget our maker and always make time to pray to God–Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, doesn’t matter, but pray to God.
Attorney At Large
Wow. Just…wow.