Two Weeks In
It’s Sunday morning, early, and the boys are watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates while I lounge with my coffee. I have completed two weeks at work, and I have to say I love it so far. My only complaint is that I cannot shake this fear that I’ll be fired any minute. I have no reason to believe that I will be – I’ve had no signs or signals, no kind of warning. I suppose it’s my years of recession fear and financial worry transferred.
I leave a little after five most days, to get the children, and then usually do a bit of work in the evenings. Some nights I bill two more hours, some nights I bill nothing but just clean out emails and such. I am trying to stay later on Mondays and Fridays, just to make sure I look adequately committed – but I think my billables are the real bottom line, and they seem fine to me. I’m not setting the world on fire, but I think they look good for a newbie who doesn’t even have her bar results back yet.
(Results come out Friday at noon.)
In any case, I very much like what I’m doing. It’s easy to face a Monday morning when you’re going to an office to do stuff you love. I sort of fell into this career, and I’m glad I did.
3 Comments
Kate Sherwood
Yay!
joy
bar results SO SOON!? I envy you. NY doesn’t release until November, and even then passers are lucky to be sworn in by February, and April is common.
I have a very similar feeling about my job right now; I am so happy doing what I’m doing, I’ve fallen into the perfect career (or finally tried enough other things and then managed to make an intelligent choice about this one), and although I have no reason to be nervous about my job security, I am. I’m in a slightly different position from you in that I’m in a two-year fellowship, but at an organization that has often found funding to keep public interest fellows in the past. So, whether I stay with this org is partly to do with me, partly to do with vicious economics beyond all of our control. But yes, already I am afraid they’re going to tell me that there’s no way they’re keeping me, because irrational fear of job loss is how I roll.
CP
Good thoughts your way on the bar results!! I feel exactly as you do- I just fell into my job (insurance defense) and it’s been perfect for me. My first attorney job, I constantly thought I was going to get fired. My mantra was “three year!” Because as long as you have three years of experience, you are pretty employable. I discovered that the fear was mostly in my head and it’s normal to feel unsure about yourself as a new attorney. Everything is so freaking new!
Glad you love the work- Enjoy!