Why Does My Con Law Book Have to Be So Huge? And Other Conundrums

I want to weigh this book. I think it weighs more than Jack. Can books weigh over 35 pounds? Is that ridiculous? If I go into early labor from the stress of trying to manage this behemoth, can I sue the textbook printer? Or the editors, for being so long-winded? Also, is it humanly possible to read 2000 pages of textbook in a one semester class? I think not, seeing as we’re a quarter of the way through our semester and have read 150 pages. I paid $200 for the privilege of a hernia and the use of one quarter of this text, if that. I could go on.
I am 31 years old, and have had a mole on my neck my whole life. More like a skin tag, I guess, as it was barely connected, but the thing has held on for 31 years. Through loofah scrubbings, rough scarves, being sawed at by delicate necklace chains, etc. I’ve always marveled at its tenacity. Until this morning, when Jack bumped me with his head and it fell off. Blood everywhere. GROSS. I’m glad it’s gone, I hated the thing, but who knew all it would take was a direct hit from a toddler noggin?
This is the time of the season when law students everywhere scramble for work. Most of my friends are leaving town for the summer. One just got an internship at the U.S. Attorney’s office in DC (!), another wants to go to Cambodia, a third is trying for Sierra Leone. Most people who are not traveling abroad are looking at New York, D.C., Boston, Austin, or Houston as their big target cities. I’m, of course, stuck here, but happily. I love world travel, and did a bit of it when I was their age and younger. I’m pleased to note that I don’t mind the prospect of staying in-country for my summer work (such as I can get, being visibly pregnant and obviously prone to a sudden departure mid-summer, from which I don’t plan to return.) I wouldn’t say that ship has sailed, exactly – we have big plans for lots of world travel once we’re, you know, 57 years old and finally get jobs and can afford it. But, with my child(ren) so wee and dependent, now is the time for being homebodies. I do not feel constrained by this, which pleases me. I’m content, for this stage of life, to be home.
An extremely right wing Republican cousin of mine, who updates her facebook regularly with exclamations of disgust for the socialist, not-American, not-my-president who is bringing America to its knees, has asked me my opinion on the state of the economy. She says she respects my smarts and wants to know what I think. Hmmmmm. I have a feeling, a sneaking suspicion, that she will not like what I have to say. Nevertheless, I am crafting a carefully worded reply. Private reply. We shall see how this pans out.
OK, I don’t need to go to Sierra Leone this summer, but would love to take a little vacation. The student’s dilemma – you have all of this summer time off, free from care, and yet no money to exploit said time. Oh credit cards, credit cards, ye of the zero balance, you tempt me so! Eventually, I’ll be a lawyer and have lots of money to do fun stuff and no time off to do it in. Why, oh why could I not be independently wealthy?

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