I have to first apologize for not writing in here for a bit. Dear boy, your mom and dad have been depressed as heckfire these last few weeks since we found out he won’t be working next year. It’s good news for you, though, because it probably means we’ve added another year of only child-dom to your life. Anyway, it has been hard to do much of anything, but I’m dragging myself out of the pit of depression little by little.
And now I find myself in April 2009, the month where I become the mother of a one year old, and the depression is roaring back at me.
Just kidding. Sort of. You are getting more and more fun by the day, but still – the passage of time is so evident when you have a small child developing day by day. Last night and this morning you cuddled with me a bit, and ohhhh it was like old times. So sweet.
So, here lately you wave good bye. Your babysitter seems convinced you took a step the other day, though she tends toward exaggeration. You are definitely standing on your own for a few seconds at a time, often when you don’t realize it. You still love nursing, but I’m trying to let you down slowly. It’s funny because you will nurse, but also want to know what’s going on around you. I end up with stretchy boobs as you turn your head this way and that.
Jack, a mommy lost her baby two days ago. A 17 month old who died from a cough, no notice or warning. I don’t need excuses to hug and squeeze and love on you, I don’t need perspective, but I read about this mother’s heartbreak and wonder what it would be like to not be able to hold you. Your body is getting longer and leaner by the day, you don’t even fit on my lap anymore, and you certainly aren’t down with sitting still. But I’m bigger and stronger and sometimes I just swoop you up and SQUEEZE, and you close your eyes and wrinkle your nose and give me an “awwww, mom” smile. I LOVE it. I wish with all my heart that this mom could do it with her little girl.
I love you, and your smiles.