That'll Be Plenty Hundred Dollars Please
Thank you for calling the Brazilian embassy. For 2008, the cost of a tourist visa is $100. The cost of a student visa is $150. The cost of a . . . <extended price list> . . . <five minutes later> . . . that we will not accept cash, check, or credit at this time. At this time the only currency we will accept is a U.S. Postal Money Order. Now that you’ve made it through this pointlessly long price list that you are forced to listen to every time you call, we will present you with our menu options. For consular services, press 1. For the ambassador, press 2. To listen to this message again (in case you missed some important price information), press the star key. *1*
Consular services. We are open between the hours of 9am-11am on Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and between 2:30pm and 2:45 pm on the occasional Wednesday when we feel like it. For the consulate, press 1. For visas, press 2. *2*
Visas. We will only answer calls pertaining to visas between the hours of 3pm and 4pm Eastern Standard Time. We realize that on our official documentation mailed to your home, we list these hours as being from 4pm to 5pm. In actuality, we will never answer the phone, and this message will play regardless of the time of day or day of the week that you call. To return to the main menu, press the star key. Otherwise, hang up.
I 
the Brazilian embassy. They are awesome non-phone-picker-uppers, non-paperwork processors, and as of yesterday, recipients of about a thousand emails, phone calls, and faxes from moi attempting to get some sort of response.
the Brazilian embassy. They are awesome non-phone-picker-uppers, non-paperwork processors, and as of yesterday, recipients of about a thousand emails, phone calls, and faxes from moi attempting to get some sort of response.We finally got a phone message back saying that if Patrick goes in on a weekday morning in person to the Miami embassy and turns everything in, they will process the visa that same day. The message-leaver did not include her name, but she did give an alternate phone number to call her back with any questions, which of course just rings out and nobody answers and there is no message machine.
So then we were on the phone with the airline. By some miracle, the embassy is in Miami, and his original flight connection was in Miami, so we were like – cool! He has over 5 hours between flights! He can just grab a taxi, run over to the embassy, and hope he gets his documents and makes it back for his return flight! But of course they won’t let you check in for your flight at the Raleigh airport without your visa, even though the plane is landing in a domestic airport. His ultimate destination is Brazil, so from the beginning he must prove that he can get into Brazil. So. How’s this for fun. We had to change his departure city (formerly Raleigh) to Miami, then buy a separate ticket to get him from Raleigh to the Miami airport. So although he’s going on the exact same flights at the exact same times of day on the exact same airplane, it will cost us Plenty-Hundred dollars to pay for the privilege of him boarding in Raleigh without a visa.
Since we had to make all these changes anyway, we decided to send him to Miami on Monday morning, pay for him to spend the night in Miami so he can park at the embassy day and night if necessary, and then make his Brazil flight for Tuesday afternoon. My mother declaimed that we should send the embassy a bill for all this outrage! This is preposterous! They can’t do this! And Patrick and I, seasoned world travelers both and not new to the world of visa procurement, laughed until we cried. Nobody cares. There is no authority to whom you can appeal. You just suck it up and pay through the nose and be glad you got your visa at all. Which he hasn’t, of course, actually gotten yet. Monday and Tuesday next week will be fun – waiting by the phone to see if he was successful, or if we have to pay another Plenty-Hundred dollar fee to change his ticket AGAIN. Meanwhile, the clock is ticking down, he has a certain number of weeks he must spend in Brazil, and there is a certain number of weeks before the baby is born, and neither of those numbers are negotiable. I can hang upside and cross my legs but when Jack wants to come, he’s acomin’.
As easy as it is to get all in a tizzy about all this, the big issue here is just the money we’re forking over through no fault of our own, and what is money? Here today, gone tomorrow. Not health. Not love. Not happiness. In the end we got another weekend together. So we’ll just pretend we paid Plenty-Hundred dollars for an extra 48 hours of time spent together in 2008. And try not to think about the fact that we have to do all of this visa application crap again in the summer, when he goes back to Brazil.
6 Comments
Erin
Not that it will help this situation, but when I go to Vegas and win hundreds of thousands of dollars, I will send you some just as soon as I pay my debtors.
Denise
Hi ~ just passing thru\’ I sure can relate to many of your issues ! The January Jinx ! that\’s what I call it !!!!
Nice space !
Jackie in Ann Arbor , Michigan !
Vern
Do you have to be Brazilian to work at the Brazilian embassy? Because I\’m thinking about applying there. It doesn\’t sound like you have to do any actual "work".
Aimee
wow…that is just crazy…all that just to go to Brazil…i might have missed something but whey is he going there?
*~* :o) before you put on a frown… :o) make sure there are no smiles available… :o) *~*
NJaney
I\’ve never dealt with visa nonsense…and holy shit with all of this I certainly don\’t want to. My teeth were clenching as I read this, so disgusting. God. And I trust that you and hubby know what you\’re doing, and that you know there\’s no way out – and it\’s just so unfathomable that people run their work day like that.
But, I\’m sure your stress level is high enough without me regurgitating what you just wrote, so the second half of my comment will be about sweet little puppies, sugarplums and the calming sounds of classical music…
http://threeparrotsisle.blogspot.com/
Nora
Wow, sounds like sooo much fun. I hope it all works out okay, and costs you no more mooolah. Dr. Oz was showing the neti pot on a Oprah show the other day (reunion.) One girl claimed it changed her life. I am thinking of getting one, did it change yours?