I lose a lot of hair from day to day. It ends up on my clothes, in the shower, in drifts on the bathroom floor. It’s a constant blanketing of long brown hairs that is a ROYAL PAIN to keep up with. Yes I should cut it. But my husband claims to like long hair – on my head, not so much on the floor, but unfortunately you can’t have one without the other.
For some uniquely canine reason, whenever our tiny dog finds a little hair drift in front of his nose, he eats it. I’ve seen him do it – he gobbles it up without so much as a thought about, I don’t know, taste? Texture? Chewability? When the hair goes through the dog and comes out the other end – well, the hair is still longer than the dog, shall we say. Both the Professor and I have, erm, forcibly removed strands of poop covered hair from the behind of our yelping, frantic puppy. It’s not a comfortable experience for either party.
Today, I’m driving home from the gym, feeling overheated, underfed, a little weak, eager to eat my lunch. I get a phone call.
This time, it was a clump of hair. It required, uh, digital penetration for complete removal. By my husband’s digits. Let’s not act too surprised that the dog didn’t sit completely still for this procedure.
Him: “He’s got poop on his back. On his feet. All over his butt. He’s running around outside yelping because I just stuck my fingers up his rear. I’m in here running a bath for this stupid crap covered puppy while my lunch gets cold on the counter.”
Me: <cricket. cricket.>
Him: “Have a nice day at work.” <click>
Normally, work is not a place I want to be. Today, though – bring on the spreadsheets.
*I’m going to remind him of this when I’m up feeding a screaming two month old infant every two hours.
**Don’t think that’s imminent, by the way. This is a theoretical infant. Also, I offered to take a vacation day and stay home with the puppy one day this week. He said no. Just throwin’ that out there.
Oh. My. God.
I am dying laughing.
"Bring on the spreadsheets." & "I\’m going to remind him of this when I\’m up feeding a screaming two month old infant every two hours." & "Don\’t think that\’s imminent, by the way. This is a theoretical infant. Also, I offered to take a vacation day and stay home with the puppy one day this week. He said no. Just throwin\’ that out there." Hyterical.
i don\’t mean to scare you, but you could end up with an infant who enjoys eating hair too. i know it can happen because i have one. alana has been eating hair since the day she was born. i\’m not sure what she enjoys about it, but here she is 2 years, 3 months and 26 days later, still eating it. it\’s disgusting and my husband nearly pukes while pulling hair from her fat little fists throughout the day.it\’s much too long a story to simply add as a comment. i\’ll have to make this a blog topic when i find a free minute to get online again. oh, and the poop thing? yeah, we\’ve done that too with alana. it\’s just as gross, but at least she sits still long enough for us to pull it out.
I\’ve had my cat-owner friends tell me about pulling string out of their cat\’s behind…but hair from a dog\’s ass? Didn\’t hear about that one. Did I need to know about it? Hm. Hard to say. Could I bring myself to finger a screaming pup to get a clump out? Also hard to say. I\’m happy for you that you were safely at work for that.
Regarding hobbies…let\’s see…I have a very organized and full box of beautiful glass beads, wires and string sitting by the couch for my jewelry career that I\’m going to work on \’one of these days\’. I have needles, thread and some fabric for the wardrobe I\’m going to create for myself \’one of these days\’. I have a basket full of fluffy yarn and needles for all the scarves I plan to knit \’one of these days\’. Not to mention the pads of paper with great book ideas and t-shirt designs scribbled down to be finished \’one of these days\’.
Regarding Harry Potter – between you, Jen and myself we have 3 husbands who could A) probably care less what happened to the Boy Who Lived but B) heard all about it anyways as I had to chat about it with someone once my eyes uncrossed themselves from racing through the book.
Speaking of books – I\’ve written one here. I\’m out.
Wow,Bring the poop stories on. I am going to stay silent on this one.I can relate to the hobby thing, I have way too many interests and way too little energy and or time. I need to focus, focus, focus!
it\’s reasons like this that keep me from getting a cell phone.
please tell me WHY your husband thought it was necessary to call you on your cell phone – i\’m assuming it was a cell since you were driving?
couldn\’t this have waited until you got home? how were you going to help him at all from your car?
have i missed the point of this story entirely?
was this supposed to be about dogs pooping hair?
I presume he called me because he desired my pity. And also, points for later favors. Don\’t you keep a scoresheet with points on it? You know, I did dishes, 3 points, he pulled poop out of the pooch\’s bum, 10 points?