The Resume Bee – The Reluctant Grownup

A blogging friend, Ms. Muensterbee in my blogroll, has started a new resume polishing bizz on the side – check her out. Meanwhile, she inspired me to write about a few of the gems that have made their way across my desk in my going-on-three years as an HR Manager. Marcie – I’m going to start giving some of these people your number.

**Yes, I’m making fun of mostly poor and uneducated people. It’s a little snarky. But I have to laugh sometimes, or I’d cry all day.

Other Information/Objective:

· I want a job. What a surprise.

· I want to learn everything I can in America so I can go back to <foreign country> in three years and start my own business. OK, so this is honorable. But, still – this info should be on a NTK basis, and I as the hiring manager who has spend lots of time training you do not Need To Know that you plan on leaving me in a few years.

· I’m shy. I like to work by myself. I don’t really like working with others. Seriously?

· I’m confident that I can be a big asse to the company. Your proofreading skills are perfect, to the t.

Special Skills:

· I am reall good at typing I even have did correction’s on people resume’s for a job. I actually saved this resume and pull it out when I need a laugh. The whole thing was a gem. She had a love affair with the apostrophe.

· Ever since my first job at Food Lion I have had constant attraction with people. Hey there, Casanova, I think you meant ‘interaction.’

· Machine Operator with forklift drivers lieniense His spell check obviously didn’t know what to do with "lieniense."

· I am great with communation and people as you can tell tho not perfect with spelling. Honesty. It’s underrated.

Reason for Leaving:

· I had an altercation with a client involving a forklift. I’m scared of you.

· Disagreement with management on how to do my job. OK . . . again with the NTK.

· Missed a lot of days. If you ain’t even gonna TRY to give me an excuse . . .

· Wasn’t enough hours giving. This was for a management position. This guy had a BA.

Hobbies:

· I spend all my free time running a music production company, its where I pour all my energy and soul. Looking forward to seeing you sail out of the office at 3pm every day.

Position Applied:

· Labortory Technican Would you like to buy a couple of vowels?

· Administrive Assistent If we can’t spell it, how can we do it? It’s ok to use a dictionary. It’s not ok to not know you NEED to use one.

· Date Entery Personal Ditto above. If you struggle with the difference between personnel and personal (as many people do, and there is no shame) – just avoid both words.

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